wherefore art thou, dog?

1

A new dogwalker came for our great dane today. (His name is Hamlet, after another great Dane, get it?…My husband’s joke, not mine…) When she was dropping him off, the crafty little self-promoter handed me a self-made disc of music and said something along the lines of, “I’m a singer/songwriter…You never know who you’ll meet walking dogs!”*

Irony being, I’m the one person on this side of the cul-de-sac who is not connected to the music industry. Neighbor to our right is one of the greatest producers/composers of modern times — usually in this blog I refer to people by their initials, but his initial is so well-known it actually has its own pseudonym (I call him Z) — and neighbor to our left is infamous both for what he does and the people he parties with, including lots of music-industry types. (He and Z have gone out and partied wildly together, despite many decades’ worth of age difference.) And the person catty-corner at the end of the block is Z’s ex-wife, well-known in her own right, who has a child with him, remains on good terms with him and spends half her year in France.

So if only the dogwalker knew.

Of course, it’s entirely possible she does.

2

She was armed with notes from our previous dogwalker (they all work for the same Los Angeles agency, which has fairly high turnover as the walkers move back to their hometowns or get acting/modeling gigs or jobs in production companies or whatever) which she left on the counter. I enjoyed seeing my dane through another person’s eyes:

Type: Great Dane, male, black and white, 2 years old, very sweet with people….

HAMLET HATES OTHER DOGS. KEEP HIM AWAY AT ALL TIMES. HE WILL ONLY PULL IF HE THINKS HE CAN GET TO A DOG. HAVE A GOOD GRIP ON THAT LEASH.**

…Hamlet may try to hold your arm in his mouth during the walk, or he may put his mouth around your ankle when he thinks you’re ready to leave. This is just him being affectionate. The more he knows you, the more he will become very attached to you. Of all [previous dogwalker’s dogs] Hamlet was her all-time favorite dog.

Do not wear open toed shoes. Hamlet has a foot fetish!***

* Just to say, she did it quite charmingly and presented herself well. It’s hard to pull off a stunt like that and not be pushy/obnoxious, so I was impressed.

** Due, I fear, to traumatic experiences in his puppyhood with our very bossy female dachshund. But there’s also the fact he’s a full-grown beast who weighs more than I do (and I’m a woman of five nine). He gets off the leash, he tends to scare the crap out of people, esp. when he tries to play with their little kids.

*** This was news to me. My feet are of little interest to him.

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