the return of Notorious Neighbor

1

Octavius showed up at brunch with a blonde actress from Paris who is roughly half his age. This is not unusual for him. She and I then proceeded to have the kind of conversation you can only have in LA. She described her role in The Hills Have Eyes 2: “I am in the beginning of the film. I am a breeder. The mutants took me and raped me so I give birth and die. It’s horrible, horrible.” She is not expecting an Oscar nomination. She described her role in the upcoming Starship Troopers 3: “I run after Casper [Van Diem] a lot. I raise my hand and yell, ‘You forgot…[fill in blank]!'”

I mentioned another gorgeous actress I met a couple of weeks ago, when E and I went out with Jade and Jason and Ryan and Joanna and Scott and Scott’s female friend, who had been known among us up to that point as “the hot blonde from Anaconda.” As in, someone — Ryan — might say: “We’re having a dinner thing at our place and Scott might be dropping by with the hot blonde from Anaconda.” Or: “We’ve got a car* for tonight, if you want to come with us and Jade and Jason and the hot blonde from Anaconda.”

She introduced herself as Crystal. “I’m glad that now you have a name,” I told her after we’d girl-bonded after a drink. Or two. “Because for the last few weeks you’ve just been this elusive hot blonde from Anaconda.”

She’s actually in the sequels Anaconda 2 and 3. (Or is it Anaconda 3 and 4? I get confused.) “I’m the one who survives,” she says.

“You’re like the Final Girl!”

“I’m the Final Girl.”

“I’ve never met a Final Girl before.” I was plum delighted. Although there is, of course, a downside: it means I still haven’t met anyone who’s been eaten by a giant snake.

2

Notorious Neighbor has returned to the neighborhood. For those of you who have only joined us in the last six months or so, NN is a larger-than-life character who lives next door to us and is either very loathed or very admired, depending on what demographic you fall into. (I loathed him for years. Then I met him. I am still coming to grips with this. He inspired several blog entries.) He went to jail last spring for what was supposed to be a few weeks but stretched into much longer than that, due to the bizarrely labyrinthine multi-state morass of a legal situation he got himself into. He called me from the slammer a few months ago (another blog entry) and again a few days ago. The latter time I wasn’t able to take the call. His assistant told me they’d try to reach me over the weekend, but they did not, leaving me curious as to why he’d called at all. Until friends started circulating emails with links to gossip blogs and even a TMZ video documenting his release from the coop and his flight home.

I haven’t seen him yet but expect to shortly. I predict two things:

a) He will talk a lot.

b) I will be entertained.

* polite code for ‘limo’

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