Writing has stalled on the new book — and this time it doesn’t feel like a good kind of stalling, when I can feel my undermind mulling things over, preparing to send up new signals, new ideas that will make for a much better story. No, at this point my undermind is standing there with its arms crossed, tapping its foot, saying, “What the hell is wrong with you?” This feels like the kind of paralysis that comes with overthinking, overfreakingout….I need to let go of things and settle down into the pocket of the story, but I have to say, it’s been hard to face that blank screen.
The kids are in bed, the spouse is away, so tonight would be a good night to write into the small hours (or at least the not-quite-as-big hours). I was always an owl type anyway.*
*My sister once observed that you can’t help what you are — either you’re a night person or a morning person — and someone who stays up all night to work and then sleeps past noon is being just as productive as someone who gets up more cheerily than blearily at 6 am. But morning people, she pointed out, “tend to feel morally superior.” I’d have to agree. I’m not exempt from it myself. I am one of the nightbreed — during college exams I was always greeting my housemate/best friend at 5 or 6 in the morning as I went to bed after hours of studying and she was just getting out of bed to begin hours of studying. Her GPA might have been higher than mine, but the fact that she could function at 7 am and I couldn’t had absolutely nothing to do with it. I refuse to believe otherwise.
However, the other day I managed to make my private yoga class at Octavian’s house — he lives conveniently down the hill from me — at 7 am, a half-hour earlier than usual (and believe me, that’s a bloody big half-hour) because our teacher had to catch a plane to some kind of yoga-teacher guru camp in Vancouver. Afterwards I did indeed feel so righteous and superior that I recognized myself as a menace to society and told the people on Twitter to slap me. Which several of them did. Enthusiastically.